


In Taken Chances

by geckoholic



Category: The Killing
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 07:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8881159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/pseuds/geckoholic
Summary: There's a startling clarity to the realization that the home she's always been looking for lies in the arms of a person Sarah thought lost to her.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aj (aj2245)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj2245/gifts).



> Oh man oh man, you asked for post-series and happy endings and then somehow this got unexpectedly fluffy on me. I hope that's a good thing? /o\ Turns out, I, too, just really really _really_ want Sarah Linden to be happy.
> 
> Beta-read by shenshen77. Thank you!! ♥ All remaining mistakes are mine.
> 
> Title is from "Obvious Heart" by Finger Eleven.

There's a startling clarity to the realization that the home she's always been looking for lies in the arms of a person Sarah thought lost to her. 

No, that's not quite true. He's not the only home she ever had. But it's different from Jack, because Jack's her son and she's supposed to be _his_ home. And she did an abysmal job of that sometimes, truth be told. There have been friends and half-there's and almosts; she was engaged, for fuck's sake. But maybe that's where the difference lies. 

She presses her face into Holder's shoulder and she knows, just knows, that he won't demand anything of her. She might want to offer, in the long run; she's thought about it in the past, and she's aware that he did, too. He's not going to bring it up again, though, won't push, Sarah's certain. His arms come up around her and she almost loses herself in his much larger frame, holds onto his neck in return. She can feel as well as hear him sigh, content and relieved, his cheek buried in her hair, and yeah, they're on the same page. Any anger each of them might have held has dissipated years ago; that's a thing of the past and no longer relevant. 

And just like that, when she meant for little else than a visit, a thank you, an apology, Sarah decides she's finally done running. She still walks away, from that moment, for a short while, because she never did trust her own instincts. But she's _home_ , and after a few additional hours of driving around town, she's ready to admit it too. 

 

***

 

They meet for coffee the next morning. The air is still chilly, not biting cold but their breaths do puff out in little clouds. They meet in the parking lot, and Holder plasters himself to her side just as soon as they're both out of their cars, hovers just shy of actually touching. She does something uncharacteristic: closes the distance and loops her arm into his. He smiles at that, and it's not this big sprawling thing he usually does, but a small upturn of his lips paired with a warmth that colors his cheeks and reflects in the look he gives her. 

Once inside, they request a booth by the window and order coffee and sit across from each other. Holder starts talking while she's still stripping off her jacket, and ohh but she's missed the sound of his voice, the way words spill from him seemingly unchecked and a little too rushed, like he can't wait to tell her everything that happened in his life since she left. 

The thought, surprisingly, doesn't come with a sting of guilt. _Since she left._ That, too, is in the past. They're starting anew, and if he's willing to give that to her, then she's more than willing to accept it. 

He prattles on about his daughter and his new job and how he both misses police work and really fucking doesn't, and yes, she can relate to that one. Being a cop is a calling more than it is an occupation, and they both had it running through their veins at some point. But it didn't do them much good; they're not built that way. They feel too much. It's always going to be a part of them, and maybe they'll go back to it. Maybe they'll manage together. Not anytime soon, though. 

Sarah doesn't get too many words in edgeways, and she doesn't really try very hard anyway. He'll let her, if she needs him to; for now she wants to listen. She leans back in her seat and wraps both hands around her coffee mug, and she does, getting up to date with all things Holder. She only notices that she's smiling at him, fondly, when he stops and cocks his head, smiles back at her for a long moment before he continues chattering away. 

 

*** 

 

She meets Kalia a few days later, and part of her wants to chide him for being so careless, for introducing her to _his kid_ so soon. Doesn't he know she's bad news? Doesn't he know she'll always run away in the end? Doesn't he know that you don't do that to a child? 

Except that she's not planning on going anywhere, the nervous thrum in her that's always told her everything is temporary still quiet even though it's been nearly a week. She's still not making promises; he hasn't asked her to either. And he's always known her better than she did herself, from the very start, really, however he's worked that out. So if he can believe in her, trust her with something this big, then maybe it's time she trusts herself too. 

A lot could have gone different if she'd started doing that a few years earlier. Hell, a lot could have gone different if she'd _ever_ done that. 

And so she doesn't protest when Holder packs them into his car and drives them out to the countryside, parks by a lake. He's brought a kite and they're letting it fly, and at some point he retreats for a cigarette break, hidden behind the trees where Kalia can't see, and it's Sarah who kneels down when the kite sails down, its wires tangled. It's her who weaves the jumble of paper and plastic until it untangles, Kalia standing between her legs, pressed in close and watching her fingers work. They have the thing up in the air again by the time Holder returns, and Sarah notes idly that it's been a rather long smoke, long enough for two or three at least. 

He winks at her before she can say anything about it, though, conspiratorially and with a nod towards the girl running around with the kite flying high above her, as if he's read Sarah's thoughts. No, that's not right; because he knows her, and knows she's smart enough to work that one out. Scheming in the open, and wholly unashamed. 

Sarah rolls her eyes at him in reply, and he throws his head back and laughs, then starts jogging to catch up with Kalia. Runs ahead of her while she lets the toy sail through the air, giggling, beaming at him in that way only children who are loved and safe and happy know how to do. 

 

*** 

 

Sarah never much thought about happy endings. Her head had always been too busy in the present, obsessing about problems and chances alike. That leaves little space for wishes, for fantasies. 

And anyway, had she thought about it, this isn't what she'd have wished for or expected. Might be she'd have imagined a father for Jack, a house and a promotion, the things people are supposed to want. The shit that everyone's told will make them happy. 

She's rented a little apartment five minutes away from where Holder lives. It's ground floor and has a little terrace that makes up for the fact that it's basically a living-room-slash-bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom and a broom closet. Sarah bought a little plastic table and four chairs. Technically it's too cold to sit outside, but she does so anyway, feet up on a second chair and a book on her lap. The condo offers hire-purchase, and even though she's only been living here for a couple of weeks, Sarah thinks about doing that. 

Renting smells too much like running, like _temporary_. Which is bullshit because when she gets the itch, owned property won't hold her back; she did that before. Nothing would hold her back. Besides, she's still looking for a job and the money she'd saved won't tide her over forever. There's another commitment to be made, and it would mean her financial situation might stay strained for a couple more years. She's considering a college course. Psychology, maybe – in an attempt to understand others as well as herself, and a field where feeling too much is an asset, not a hindrance. 

But the beauty of being settled, of staying, of having a home, is that she doesn't need to rush herself anymore. No decisions made head over heels, no living up to standards she _thought_ she should meet. She'll call Holder later, talk it through. Then Jack too, asking him what he thinks about his mother back in school. No need to figure these things out on her own anymore, either. 

Sarah picks her book back up, flicks to the page she left off, and imagines what this little corner will look like in summer, with flowers lining the fence and a sunshade overhead. She can almost imagine the sun on her skin, the sound of Jack and Holder joking around, Kalia's laughter. 

_Home._

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://lostemotion.tumblr.com).


End file.
